U.S. Worker | Working Stiffed

No Bezos (kisses) at Amazon

I like a good scary story as much as the next person, but I can’t think of any piece of horror fiction in recent memory that has frightened me more than last week’s New York Times feature article about Amazon.

Anyone who has had a white collar job within the last 10 years is familiar with some of the workplace hazards alluded to in the article:

the annoying coworkers who like to email people at 2 am on weekends to prove/time stamp their dedication;
others who show up at the office at the crack of dawn and/or stay late;
the busybodies who like to provide unsolicited “feedback” (usually negative) about colleagues to superiors; or
colleagues who feel that humiliating you in meetings will spur you to achieve workplace excellence (this is usually the public explanation; the real reason is they either resent you or don’t like you).

Individually, these behaviors are annoying, but when they are ALL part of a company’s corporate culture…even codified in the employee handbook (check out Amazon’s 14 leadership principals), then you’re hitting horror story territory.

Bezos responded to fallout from the Times article by saying that he wouldn’t want to work for a company like the one described in the article. One can argue that he doesn’t, really, since as CEO, he isn’t subjected to the annual “culling” of staff, and no one in their right mind would dream of submitting secret feedback about him via the company’s Orwellian Anytime Feedback Tool (a widget in the company’s directory that employees are encouraged to use to submit praise or criticism about colleagues to management). Of course, Feedback Tool submissions are factored into the decision-making at the annual culling of Amazon’s overworked herd. Double-plus ungood.

Bezos likes his Feedback Tool so much, he’s invested in an HR software company that makes a similar product. So, in the near future, if you find yourself on the wrong end of a crappy performance review and lose your job, it may just be because the office psycho who doesn’t like you colluded with other office misfits to funnel tons of real-time negative feedback about you to your boss. Creepy, huh? Get ready; it’s coming.

So, is Bezos a driven visionary…a textbook bipolar CEO…a sadist…or all of the above? Who can say for sure? What is obvious is that, in his infinite, algorithm-loving mania, Bezos (whose name literally means “kisses” in Spanish) has reworked the KISS principle (Keep it Simple, Stupid) to mean, Keep it Stressful, Stupid. His fiefdom is truly a Darwinian dystopia on steroids.

I guess while we wait for the robots to take our jobs, corporate overlords like Bezos are going to bide their time by making us work like robots. That way, they can literally work us to death and we won’t be around to complain about losing our jobs to C-3PO in the near future. A recent study shows this isn’t that farfetched a concept.

A stroke of bad luck?

In recent years, we’ve been hearing more and more about uncharacteristically young people…folks in their thirties and forties…having strokes. Why, we wondered? Well, it turns out that Amazon’s top performers aren’t thinking long term when it comes to embracing the 80-hour workweeks that are the hallmark of Amazonian excellence.

Less than a week after the Times/Amazon article appeared, the London Guardian reported that scientists at University College London found that if you put in more than 55 hours a week at work, you have a 33 percent higher stroke risk and a 13 percent higher risk of having a heart attack than “slackers” who work only 35-40 hours a week.

What I want to know is, if you stroke out at your desk at Amazon, will Bezos offer you free shipping to the funeral home of your choice?

The average person who suffers from bipolar disorder endures a lifelong struggle with mood swings and fluctuating energy levels, all while trying to maintain stable personal and professional relationships; not easy to achieve, to be sure.

Fortunately, many find relief with medication and the support of loved ones, and they can lead successful, fulfilling lives.

But what happens when a bipolar person is in a position of power and/or has achieved an impressive level of entrepreneurial success? Would you feel comfortable suggesting that they need to take their meds, if they feel they don’t…or to lash out at them if they call you at 3 a.m. to discuss their latest great idea?

If they sign your paycheck or you’re dependent on them financially in some way, odds are you wouldn’t. A LOT of CEOs, executives, and entrepreneurs are bipolar, and they are just as likely to be proud of it and acknowledge that their mania is the reason they are successful.

What they don’t always acknowledge is the collateral damage they often leave in their manic wake. But, hey, you gotta crack some eggs to make an omelet, right? Sadly, those of us who have had the misfortune of toiling for manic depressive leaders have been those eggs, and the yolk is often on us.

I’ve worked for more than my share of bipolar CEOs and executives, so it’s safe to say I had to reach for the Maalox more than once.

Bipolar giveth and bipolar taketh away

One manic depressive executive I worked under early in my career—let’s call her Dara—had my whole department in such a perpetual state of flux that we checked in with her executive assistant each morning to find out if Dara was up or down that day. Needless to say, no one approached her on “down” days, even when it was necessary.

The C-suite loved Dara, though…she was a straight-shooter…a risk taker….and she didn’t need (or want) to be micromanaged. Not surprisingly, those were not traits she ever wanted to see in us. Those who were foolish enough to try to emulate her were swiftly terminated.

We were paralyzed by her inconsistent direction and her fluctuating mood swings. Still, those of us who survived her manic meat grinder intuitively found a way to succeed, inadvertently ensuring that she remain gainfully employed.

What else could we do? Her bosses never bothered to investigate the psychological minefield that was her department.

The day did come, however, when she popped a wheelie on national TV and the powers that be got a very public glimpse at the personality we had struggled to manage for years. And just like that, she was gone, and we all heaved a spontaneously sigh of relief and broke out into a chorus of “Ding, dong, the witch is dead…”

Of course, on some level, we felt bad for her, because we knew she was ill, but then again, she had pushed many of us to the brink of mental illness. And in our results-at-an-cost corporate culture, her impact on our mental and emotional well-being was low priority.

The CEO’s Disease

Years ago, psychologists labelled bipolar disorder “the CEO’s disease,” with reason. Numerous studies have found that the manic stage of the disease tends to breed successful entrepreneurs. A recent joint study between Stanford University and the University of Denmark confirmed earlier research, finding that successful people who are bipolar tend to be uber-successful, often earning much more than their peers.

The study also confirmed that the opposite is true for those who can’t effortlessly slide up the corporate ladder through nepotism or who don’t catch a lucky entrepreneurial brake: average bipolar Joes and Janes tend to make much less than their colleagues.

Donald Trump: The Elvis of bipolar CEOs

Unless you live in an underground bunker with no Wi-Fi, you’ve no doubt been exposed to the clown show that is Donald Trump’s presidential candidacy. Having grown up in New York City, I am more than familiar with this bloviator in a Mafia Don’s clothes.

Trump is a self-made business tycoon…because he tells you he is, but if you scratch off the cheap, gold paint (found in abundance at any Trump-owned property) you’ll find a string of failures and bankruptcies. He’s not even self-made; his father, a wealthy Brooklyn slumlord, greased his entrepreneurial wheels.

Trump parlayed his hubris and Rapunzel-like comb-over into mainstream success with “The Apprentice,” a TV show that allowed him to yell, “You’re fired!” at some hapless participant on each episode. One person’s humiliation became a control freak’s wet dream…and the nation was enthralled!

Now he has a significant lead over the cattle car full of Republican/globalist hand puppets running for president. And, why not? Unlike the others, he is a straight-shooter…a risk taker….a guy who says what many of us think, but won’t admit in polite company. Plus, he’s running on his own dime! Like the honey badger…the Donald don’t care.

This is a dangerous trap, because when it comes to this Elvis of bipolar entrepreneurs, rest assured, that for every one thing you like about him, there will be ten things that you will find appalling.

Bipolar CEOs are often adept at consensus building. If gifted with sufficient charm, they can get us so focused on their cause when in the throes of their mania, that we’re blinded by the toxic lead under the cheap paint.

This is why so many boardrooms end up putting these literal maniacs in charge of their companies, leaving those of us who owe our livelihoods to these human pendulums to cringe in uncertainty, and to live with the reality that today’s promotion can easily turn into tomorrow’s termination. Not fun.

Merriam-Webster defines the word freelance as follows:

noun free·lance \ˈfrē-ˌlan(t)s\

usually free lance : a mercenary soldier especially of the Middle Ages : condottiere
a person who acts independently without being affiliated with or authorized by an organization
a person who pursues a profession without a long-term commitment to any one employer

That definition may still apply to some professions, like the aforementioned mercenaries, but a twenty-first century freelance writer or designer would probably define the word as follows:

A creative entrepreneur who pursues their profession without a long-term commitment to any one employer: frequently required to do additional work for free…often stands a better chance of being lanced by a mercenary soldier of the Middle Ages than being paid a living wage.

Of course, we don’t start out feeling that way. When I was exiled from my corporate management perch after my company was acquired by a competitor a couple of years ago, I didn’t panic.

I set up an LLC and decided that my displacement was a blessing; it was finally time for me to reap the substantial financial benefits that awaited someone with my years of communications and marketing experience. I was ready to take those recession lemons and squeeze them into entrepreneurial lemonade. The sky was the limit!

I soon realized that the sky had nothing to do with the limit; “how low can you go?” is actually the measured limit. Look, I’m fine with negotiating a fair freelance or consultant rate, but when you’re routinely offered less money than what Apple sweatshop workers in China earn, it’s hard to feel that optimistic.

Tales from the Script

Aside from having to compete with the bargain-basement freelancers found on Upwork (the cut-rate lovechild of Elance and oDesk) and the like, I have had to deal with the usual client nightmares:

* Clients that blow their substantial website redesign budget on an agency that knows nothing about creating optimized content…and then being asked to fix the mess, despite their now limited funds.

* Entrepreneurs who want to offer me an “exciting” opportunity to get in on the ground floor of their start-up…at a fraction of my rate (one guy even wanted me to work for free) with vague promises of a financial payoff down the road.

* “Prospective clients” who are really just picking your brain, so they can figure out how do the work themselves.

* Clients who hire you for one job and then casually ask you to “look over” something else, if “you’re not too busy.”

* Clients who want to barter for services. (As much as I would like a past life regression reading, it’s not going to pay my bills, unfortunately).

*Corporate clients who hire you for a sizable project with an aggressive deadline only to delay getting the project off the ground…and/or keep you hanging on for weeks only to kill the project down the road.

This can be a financially deadly situation, especially when, in your excitement at landing a profitable gig, you turn down other work to handle the promised lucrative workload.

* Then there are the “resume/portfolio builder” clients who offer the “opportunity” to work for little or no money with the promise that the work you do for them now will help you earn more money down the road.

Fortunately, my mature age and lengthy resume has protected me from these predators (for now); they typically prey on younger freelancers. Word to the wise: falling for this ruse too often will guarantee that you’ll be sleeping on your parents’ sofa well into middle age.

Pay or Play?

There isn’t an experienced freelancer or consultant alive who hasn’t been jerked around when it comes to payment.

Small businesses sometimes take a while to pay, especially when they’re having a bad month or quarter. While that can be frustrating, there’s really no excuse for corporate decision-makers who park your invoice under their donut or morning coffee; after all, these people would shriek like frightened children if their biweekly paycheck wasn’t direct-deposited into their bank accounts on time, so why do they think it’s okay to delay your payday?

We freelancers typically love what we do and take great pride in the work we create for our clients. Still, just because we’re passionate about our work doesn’t mean we expect to eke out an “all-work-no-pay” existence. Do unto freelancers as you would have them do unto you.

What do you think fellow freelance working stiffs? How would you define your profession, and what funny or frustrating experiences have you endured?

Uber is a German word that means above the rest. It is also the apt name of a popular mobile app transportation network company. For those of us trying to survive in the growing on-demand economy promoted by Uber, images of goose-stepping armies of gig economy fascists readily spring to mind. And my futurist crystal ball tells me that it’s in our best interest to stay out from under their technocratic jackboots.

Uber has attracted a lot of attention recently, both positive and negative, for proudly trying to redefine full-time employees as contractors.

Their business model isn’t new; Corporate America has been embracing transient labor in order to avoid paying employee benefits and related corporate taxes for some years now.

Unlike Uber, they don’t brag about it, though. After all, displacing full-time employees for contractors, many of them overseas or foreign nationals here on visas, still doesn’t play well in Peoria; just ask Disney.

No, Uber is proudly spinning its business model as one that entrepreneurial thought leaders are embracing in order to survive and thrive in our brave new world. What’s not to love? Their drivers are business partners, not employees.

Many millennials cheer Uber’s entrepreneurial passion, especially those who earn their bitcoins by sucking on a tech company’s teat. They feel we need to be free agents in order to innovate, or we deserve to disintegrate. How else can you become a mini-Zuckerberg and invent an app that Google, or even Zuckerberg himself, will buy from you for billions?

I admire their spunk, but as someone who’s navigated through a few boom and bust economies, this business model looks a lot like a sweat shop in silicon clothing.

We can’t be too surprised by the rise of the on-demand economy and companies like Uber (or Uberettes, as I like to call Uber-like startups). After all, we have become increasingly impatient consumers; millennials and boomers alike want instant results and gratification: we want a cab NOW; we want our Web-purchased goods NOW; we want everything NOW.

The more affluent among us don’t even mind Uber’s other ingenious invention, “surge pricing.” It’s not enough that Uber doesn’t want to pay for its drivers’ FICA, Medicare, workers’ comp and health insurance; no, they also favor a pricing plan designed to bleed as much money out of their customers as possible, even during terrorist attacks.

Surge pricing sticker shock isn’t for the faint of heart or wallet. Last Halloween, a Denver man was changed $539 for an 18-mile ride that typically costs around $40. Uber even spiked rates in Sydney, Australia when a local café was under siege last Christmas. Ho-ho-no! Stories like these pop up in the news every day.

Uber’s CEO, Travis Kalanick, defends his business model by saying that if he’s forced to provide employee benefits or charge reasonable cab fares, his company won’t survive.

What if all CEOs felt as Kalanick and collectively decided to make all U.S. workers 1099 contractors? A cab driver is one thing, but would you feel safe leaving your child at a day care center staffed by contractors who could come and go as they please without a background check?

And what role, if any, has our over-reliance on a transient labor force played in the recent rash of cyber security breaches? Is it unreasonable to think that an underpaid, often offshore, contractor would sell your personal info to supplement his or her income?

Wouldn’t an employee who has a vested financial interest in keeping their job be more reliable in handling your customer’s sensitive information? I guess it’s easier to publicly blame North Korea or China for all such breaches; gotta keep those admin costs down and the shareholders happy, you know?

And then there are the other lifestyle perks that come with being part of the non-gig economy: credit. How many Uber drivers can qualify for a mortgage, a car loan, or even a credit card?

Banks aren’t adjusting their requirements to accommodate the on-demand economy. They still want evidence of secure employment and if you don’t have a steady (hopefully, fat) paycheck deposited biweekly into your account, you won’t find a lot of love or credit at Wells Fargo or Citibank, even if you’ve been driving for Uber for years.

If we allow Uber and its ilk to shift the labor force Overton Window and acclimate us to being part of an on-demand workforce, we’re building a seamless bridge to an even more dire reality: robots and AI (artificial intelligence).

Uber’s Kalanick admitted last year that he can’t wait to dump his “business partner” drivers as soon as driverless cars are more reliable.

He’s not alone. Notice how companies worldwide are gradually introducing robots into the workforce? Lowe’s publicly tested a multilingual sales assistant robot last year and a five-star hotel staffed entirely by robots just opened in Japan. All hail the coming technocracy!

The popular narrative is that AI is cool and robots are needed for jobs companies can’t fill with people (ironically enough, the latter narrative is similar to the one U.S.-based companies use to explain why they need to hire foreign nationals). That’s where this is heading folks: 1099 workers today, replaced by robots tomorrow.

The only hope we have of saving our earning power is through the power of the purse. Support companies that support their employees and don’t patronize any humanity-hating businesses that replace full-time employees with cheap labor or R2D2. In doing so, you may just save your future employment prospects.

If your Mickey Mouse ears are burning, it’s probably because you heard that Disney just committed the ultimate act of corporate douchebaggery.

Yes, the Mickey Mouse Club has closed its doors to 250 of its tech workers at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida. No, their jobs weren’t eliminated; they have been replaced by contract workers imported by a company, HCL America, that helps U.S. companies hire cheap labor from overseas. HCL has been contracting with Disney since 2012.

The story doesn’t end there, though. According to the New York Times, the displaced U.S. workers were told to train their replacements; and if the new hires couldn’t perform their new duties after said training, the discharged employees would lose their severance pay and benefits.

The Times reports that 85,000 H-1B visas are issued in the U.S. each year, but it looks like that’s about to change. Companies like Microsoft, Facebook, and Google are lobbying to increase the number of visas issued, claiming that there aren’t enough “highly skilled” workers available to fill critical positions.

Well, since Disney just displaced a few hundred “highly skilled” tech workers, why not start there, Microsoft?

Too many of us have found ourselves on the losing end of an H-1B visa, often more than once. With Disney pushing the sweatshop envelope even further, it looks like things are about to get a lot worse.

Meanwhile, for those of us who are running out of financial and employment options, there’s only one thing left to do. We need fly to Mexico, walk across our wide open border, and pretend to be from another country. We may not be able to make as much money as we used to, but at least we can secure a nice, low-paying job and free healthcare (right, Obama?).

It’s a small world after all….

We should have known we were in trouble when companies across America decided to re-brand personnel departments with the chillingly impersonal moniker, “human resources.” Seemingly overnight, employees morphed from living, breathing members of a company’s “family” or “team” to disposable “resources” or widgets. And it’s even worse for job applicants.

These days, unless a company wants to hire you, their HR department treats you like you were some drunk they picked up at a bar. They take you home, have their way with you, mutter “I’ll call you” as they push you out the door, and you never hear from them again.

When you’re out of work, it’s hard enough to muster up the mojo to shower, shave (if necessary), and get all cleaned up to go to an interview…or two…or three (if you’re lucky), especially when you’re so comfortable in your sweats and t-shirts for weeks on end between interviews. You know what I’m talking about.

Then there’s the time and consideration spent on selecting and submitting samples/evidence of your talent. Preparing for an interview (or multiple interviews) doesn’t just take time, it takes money many of us can’t spare (gas for your car, if you’re driving to an interview or carfare, and dry cleaning or purchasing interview suits/clothes).

So, when you’re done with the dog and pony show and they decide you didn’t make the cut, why don’t HR recruiters call or email you to let you know they hired someone else and to thank you for your time and interest? When did this professional courtesy become unnecessary?

What, they had a hot date with a PowerPoint presentation? They were distracted by the donuts in the break room? They needed to send out another useless United Way fundraising email to their underpaid employees? Are they all trying to hide the fact that they are more than functionally illiterate (although, this may be a likely reason)?

Like most of you, I’ve known and worked with my share of HR people and they don’t seem to be saddled with a lot to do.

And when they do appear busy, it usually comes at your expense. They tend to pull you away from your 50-hour work week for an URGENT meeting about the holiday party, or to set up a task force to determine whether the company should replace the Skittles in the vending machines with tofu chips.

Seriously, why can’t these people acknowledge the effort you made to audition for their company?

Sorry, HR people…there is no excuse. On behalf of unemployed people everywhere who wait for calls that will never come, and to acknowledge your autistic-like indifference to the plight of those of us who DARE to ping your email box with our resumes, I propose we re-brand your profession once again; let’s just call you social misfits what you are: person-null un-professionals.

What do you think, fellow working stiffs? What would you call these gatekeepers of corporate incompetence?

Category: U.S. Worker

No Bezos (kisses) at Amazon

The Curse of the Bipolar CEO

The Twenty-First Century Freelancer Redefined

Uber’s On-Demand Economy and the Decline of the U.S. Worker

Disney Slips its U.S. Employees a M-I-C-K-E-Y

In HR, F— You is the New Normal